Asking someone who can say yes

Word	What it means
Audience	The one person you are writing to: their job, what they can decide, and what they care about.
Recommendation	The action you want them to take.
Request	The sentence that asks for that action, specifically: what, by when, and how.
Tone	The attitude your words show towards the reader and the subject.
Diplomatic	Firm about what you want and courteous in how you ask. No demands, no blame, no flattery.
Subject line	The few words the reader sees before opening the email.
Content	The scoring category for your ideas, details and tone. Half the mark.
Content Management	The scoring category for your words, sentence structure, usage and mechanics. The other half.

What you have. About 40 minutes and 250 to 500 words, with no required format. The assignment gives you a situation and asks you to persuade the person in charge not just to consider your idea but to act on it.

• Vague: “Please do something about the bike racks.” Do what? When? The reader has to do your thinking.
• Specific: “I am asking you to approve two more bike racks at the east doors before the spring term. The leadership class has offered $640 from our bottle drive toward the cost.” What, where, when, and something that makes yes easier.

Write to what the reader cares about. A principal cares about safety, budget and the whole school; a store manager, about customers and cost. “The path to the portables is blocked” persuades a principal more than “it is annoying to find a spot”.

Use your own words. The scoring guide describes an email that just restates the situation as Limited in Content — second from the bottom of five levels — and wording frequently taken from the prompt as Limited in Content Management. Keep to the facts you are given, and add reasonable specifics of your own: a count, a date, an example.

The problem	Weak	Diplomatic
Demanding	You need to fix this right now.	I would ask that the racks be installed before the spring term.
Blaming	Obviously nobody here cares about students who bike.	I understand this year's budget was set before so many students started riding.
Threatening	If nothing changes, we will post about it online.	I would be glad to share my counts if they would help.
Flattering	You are the best principal in Alberta, so I know you will say yes.	Thank you for considering this request.
Too timid	Sorry to bother you, this probably isn't important, but…	I am writing about a safety concern at the east doors.
Too casual	Hey! So the bike thing is super annoying lol	Dear Ms. Tran,

Why flattery fails: the reader can tell when praise is there to get something, and it makes the rest sound less honest. A plain thank-you is more respectful.

Why demands fail: someone in authority has to choose to say yes, and feeling pushed gives them a reason not to. Firm means the request is clear, not that the reader has no choice.

• General: “The bike racks are always full and it is a really big problem.”
• Specific: “The two racks at the east doors hold 24 bikes. On the five mornings I counted last week, between 31 and 38 bikes were parked there.”

The second can be checked, shows you did the work, and answers “how big is the problem?” before the reader asks. The scoring guide's top level asks for exactly this: information strengthened by precise details.

Subject: Request for two more bike racks at the east doors

Dear Ms. Tran,

My name is Aiyana Brooks, and I am a Grade 9 student in the leadership class. I am writing to ask you to approve two more bike racks at the east doors before the spring term.

The two racks there now hold 24 bikes. On the five mornings I counted last week, between 31 and 38 bikes were parked at those doors. The extra bikes lean against the railing and the wall, which narrows the path to the portables. Last Tuesday a Grade 7 student's bike was knocked over and its front wheel was bent.

Two more racks would keep that path clear and protect students' bikes. They would also make it easier for more students to ride, which would mean fewer cars in the drop-off loop. There is room for them on the concrete pad beside the east railing, well away from the fire exit, so no new paving would be needed. The leadership class has raised $640 from our fall bottle drive, and we would like to put it toward the cost.

Would you be willing to approve the racks so they can be installed before the spring term? If two are more than the budget allows this year, one before spring would still make a real difference. I would be glad to meet with you or share my counts at any time that suits you.

Thank you for considering this request.

Sincerely,
Aiyana Brooks
Grade 9, Room 114

What it does. The subject names the request. The opening says who she is and what she wants. The situation comes in numbers and one incident; the reasons are ones a principal cares about, and the offer and the placement make yes easier. The ask is direct, with a date and a fallback. Nothing demands, nothing flatters — and at about 250 words it sits at the short end of the suggested range.

• No specific request, or one buried in the middle.
• Copying the situation's wording instead of writing your own.
• Demanding, blaming, threatening or flattering.
• General complaints with no numbers, dates or examples.
• Casual language: “Hey”, slang, emoji, capitals for emphasis.
• Writing to the wrong reader — not the person who can actually act.