Sentences that do more
Two of the five categories on the narrative or essay are about sentences and words: Sentence Structure and Vocabulary. They are marked on control and variety — not on how long your sentences are or how rare your words. This is how to turn a flat paragraph into one that earns both.
Why are sentences and words marked apart from ideas?
Because a reader feels them before noticing them. Six sentences in a row that start with I and run the same length make a reader drift, even when the ideas are good — and on the PAT, the reader is the person marking you.
Variety puts the weight where you want it. A short sentence after three long ones lands hard. A specific word — limped instead of walked — does the work of a whole extra sentence. Control means those effects happen because you chose them.
It is also the part that improves most in the last ten minutes. You cannot always find a better idea at the end of a test, but you can nearly always find a better verb.
Where it turns up
- A résumé — “Trained four new staff on the till” says more than “was responsible for training”, because the verb does the work and the number can be checked
- A recipe — “fold in the egg whites” and “stir in the egg whites” make different cakes: folding keeps the air in, and stirring knocks it out
- A headline — there is room for six or seven words, so every one has to be the most specific word available
- The business email on the same test — Content Management marks word choice and sentence control there, and it is half that assignment's mark
- 1. The words, first
- 2. Variety: length, type and beginnings
- 3. Joining sentences correctly
- 4. Specific words
- 5. Voice and tone
- 6. What costs marks
The words, first
The idea: Clause is the word that makes the rest of the page make sense.
| Word | What it means |
|---|---|
| Clause | A group of words with its own subject and verb. Independent: it could stand alone as a sentence. Dependent: it cannot, because it begins with a word like because, when, although or if. |
| Simple sentence | One independent clause: The bike was gone. |
| Compound sentence | Two independent clauses joined by a comma and and, but, or or so, or by a semicolon. |
| Complex sentence | An independent clause with a dependent one attached: When I asked, he didn't answer. |
| Phrase | A group of words without its own subject and verb: by Friday, walking out. |
| Fragment | A dependent clause or a phrase punctuated as if it were a whole sentence. |
| Comma splice | Two independent clauses joined with only a comma. |
| Specific word | A word that names exactly what you mean: limped rather than walked. |
| Connotation | The feeling a word carries beyond its dictionary meaning. |
| Voice | The sense of a real person behind the writing: what they notice and what they think of it. |
| Tone | The attitude your words show towards the subject and the reader. |
Variety: length, type and beginnings
The idea: The scoring guide names three things — sentence type, length and beginnings. Vary all three, and put the short sentence where you want the weight.
I walked into the gym. I saw the list on the wall. I looked for my name. It was not there. I felt sick. I walked out.
The list was taped to the gym wall, and a crowd had already formed in front of it. I read it from the top, then again from the bottom, as if my name might have slipped between the lines. It hadn't. Walking out, I kept my eyes on the floor so nobody would see my face.
- Beginnings: The list, I read, It, Walking out — four different openings, where the flat version started five of its six sentences with I.
- Types: compound, complex, simple, and one that opens with an -ing phrase.
- Lengths: long, long, two words, medium. The disappointment lands on the two-word sentence because of the long ones before it.
| Begin with | Example |
|---|---|
| The subject | The list was taped to the wall. |
| A time or place | By Friday, the list was up. |
| A dependent clause | When I finally saw the list, the crowd had gone. |
| An -ing phrase | Walking out, I kept my eyes down. |
Long is not the same as varied. A paragraph of forty-word sentences is as flat as one of five-word sentences.
Joining sentences correctly
The idea: Most sentence errors in a timed piece are two sentences joined with only a comma. There are four correct joins; learn them and the error disappears.
The bus was late, we missed first period.
A comma splice. Four fixes, each with a slightly different effect:
- Full stop: The bus was late. We missed first period. — two separate facts.
- Semicolon: The bus was late; we missed first period. — closely linked, without saying how.
- Comma and joining word: The bus was late, so we missed first period. — cause and effect, stated.
- Dependent clause: Because the bus was late, we missed first period. — a complex sentence, and a different beginning.
Fragments. “Because the bus was late.” alone is a fragment: because makes it dependent, so attach it to its clause. A deliberate fragment in a narrative — “Nothing. Not a sound.” — reads as a choice when the sentences around it are controlled; a lost half-sentence reads as an error.
Specific words
The idea: A specific word shows the reader exactly what you mean; a general word makes them guess. Upgrade the verbs and nouns before adding adjectives.
“The dog went across the yard.” Change one word and you change the story: the dog bolted (something startled it), limped (it is hurt), slunk (it knows it did something wrong).
| General | More specific, depending on what you mean |
|---|---|
| said | muttered, snapped, admitted, pleaded |
| very big | enormous, towering, sprawling |
| nice | patient, generous, warm — say which kind of nice |
| a lot of people | a crowd of forty, most of the class |
| thing, stuff | name it |
The thesaurus trap. You may use a thesaurus in the writing part of the PAT, and it will offer words with the right meaning and the wrong feeling. For “my grandmother is old” it may suggest elderly (respectful), decrepit (insulting) and antique (for furniture). The Vocabulary category rewards words used accurately and with an ear for connotation, so never use a word you would not have chosen if you already knew it.
Voice and tone
The idea: Voice is the sense of a real person behind the words. It comes from specific detail and a steady attitude, not from big words.
- Without voice: “My grandmother's kitchen was a nice place. It smelled good and I liked being there.”
- With voice: “My grandmother's kitchen smelled of cardamom and burnt toast, and she never once apologized for the toast.”
There is no hard word in the second version. The voice comes from two exact smells and a small joke that shows how the writer feels about her: fond, and amused.
Keep the tone steady. A serious essay that slips into slang loses the reader's trust.
- Slipped: “Honestly, school uniforms are kind of dumb and stuff.”
- Steady, still with an opinion: “School uniforms solve a smaller problem than the one they create.”
The second is formal and still sounds like someone with a view — which is what both the essay and the business email want.
What costs marks
The idea: All six can be caught in a five-minute reread.
- Every sentence starting with I, The or Then.
- Comma splices. Check every comma that sits between two complete sentences.
- Accidental fragments, usually beginning with because, when or which.
- Thesaurus words with the wrong connotation.
- Very plus a weak word where one exact word would do.
- Mistaking long for varied.