Revising for impact
Revising is not fixing typos. It is making a draft do what you meant it to: stay on one point, move from sentence to sentence without a bump, vary its sentences, use exact words and keep a tone that fits the reader. This page takes one paragraph through two rounds of revision, the big things first.
Why revise instead of just proofreading?
Because a first draft is written for the writer. It records your thinking in the order it arrived, detours included, and it makes sense to you because you already know what you meant. A reader does not.
Revising turns that around: you reread as the reader and fix what they would trip over. The order matters. Unity and coherence come first, because polishing a sentence you are about to cut is wasted work. Sentences, words and tone come second, because they only matter once the paragraph says the right things in the right order.
Proofreading still happens, last. But a draft with perfect spelling and no point is still a draft with no point.
Where it turns up
- Film scripts — each round of changes is printed on a different colour of paper (blue, then pink, then yellow and so on), so the whole crew can see which pages were revised, and when
- Wikipedia — every article keeps a history page listing each revision, who made it and when, and a popular article can have thousands of them
- A newspaper story — before it runs, an editor cuts it, moves the most important facts to the top and writes the headline
- The Grade 9 achievement test — its narrative or essay is scored in five categories, and these two rounds revise for three of them: Organization, Sentence Structure and Vocabulary
- 1. The words, first
- 2. Read the draft as the reader
- 3. Round one: unity and coherence
- 4. Round two: sentences, words and tone
- 5. A checklist for any draft
- 6. What costs marks
The words, first
The idea: Unity and coherence are the first round; variety, precise words and tone are the second.
| Word | What it means |
|---|---|
| Draft | Any version of a piece of writing before the final one. |
| Revising | Changing what a draft says and how it says it: cutting, adding, reordering, rewording. |
| Editing | The last step: fixing spelling, punctuation and grammar. Also called proofreading. |
| Audience | The people the writing is for. |
| Topic sentence | The sentence that states a paragraph's one point, usually first. |
| Unity | Every sentence supports the paragraph's one point. |
| Coherence | Each sentence connects to the one before, so the reader can follow. |
| Transition | A word or phrase that shows how two ideas connect: for example, so, last month. |
| Sentence variety | Sentences of different lengths, types and beginnings. |
| Precise word | The word that says exactly what you mean. |
| Tone | The attitude your words show toward the subject and the reader. |
Read the draft as the reader
The idea: Before changing a word, reread the draft as the person it is for, and list what they would trip over. Then fix the biggest problems first.
A Grade 8 student is writing a paragraph for the school newsletter, which goes home to families, to get more students to join the repair club. The first draft:
The repair club is good. It is on Wednesdays. You learn to fix stuff. Last month we fixed a lot of things. We fixed a toaster and three bikes and a lamp. The gym is also getting new mats. It is super fun and you should totally come. It is free. You don't need to know anything.
| The problem | Where | Fix in |
|---|---|---|
| Unity | The gym mats have nothing to do with the club. | Round one |
| Order | Facts arrive at random: what it is, when, what you learn, results, mats, an invitation, the cost, experience. | Round one |
| Links | No sentence connects to the one before it. | Round one |
| Flat sentences | Nine short sentences of 3 to 10 words; three start with It. | Round two |
| Vague words | good, stuff, a lot of things | Round two |
| Tone | super fun and totally, in something parents will read | Round two |
Why this order? Polish the gym-mats sentence first and you would only cut it later. Fix what belongs and where it goes before how it sounds.
Round one: unity and coherence
The idea: Cut what does not belong, put what is left in the order the reader needs, and link each sentence to the one before.
The repair club is good, and anyone can join. It is on Wednesdays after school, and it is free. You don't need to know anything before you come. You learn to fix stuff. For example, last month we fixed a toaster, three bikes and a lamp. So it is super fun, and you should totally come.
- Unity: the gym mats are gone. So is the empty sentence Last month we fixed a lot of things, folded into the example it was pointing at.
- Order: what the club is and who can come, then when and what it costs, then what you need to know, what you learn, the proof and the invitation — the order in which a student deciding whether to go would ask the questions.
- Links: For example ties the proof to the claim before it, and So ties the invitation to everything above it.
What it still needs. Read it aloud. It is organized now, but it still sounds flat and a little careless: good and stuff are still vague, super fun and totally are still slang, and it is turns up three times in six sentences. That is round two's job, and only now is it worth doing, because every sentence left is one that stays.
Round two: sentences, words and tone
The idea: Now make each sentence earn its place: vary the lengths and openings, swap vague words for exact ones, and keep one steady tone for the reader.
Every Wednesday after school, Room 12 turns into a free repair shop, and anyone is welcome. You need no tools and no experience; the club supplies both. What you learn is how to fix the things most people throw away. Last month alone, members rewired a lamp, brought a dead toaster back to life and straightened the bent wheels on three bikes. None of them knew how in September. Come once, and you may leave with a new skill — and something that works again.
- A topic sentence you can picture. The repair club is good becomes Room 12 turning into a free repair shop every Wednesday: when, where, what and who.
- Precise words. Stuff becomes a rewired lamp, a dead toaster brought back to life and the bent wheels of three bikes. Each is a picture; stuff was not.
- Variety with a purpose. After the 22-word list of repairs comes the shortest sentence: None of them knew how in September. Its seven words land hard, and they carry the real point: anyone can learn this.
- A join that shows how ideas relate. The semicolon in You need no tools and no experience; the club supplies both sets a worry beside its answer.
- A steady tone. You should totally come becomes Come once, and you may leave with a new skill: still friendly, and fine for a parent to read.
What did not change is the message. Every point in the final version was in the first draft, or grew out of one.
A checklist for any draft
The idea: Six questions in two rounds, then a proofread. Answer the first round's questions before you touch the second's.
| Round | Ask | If not |
|---|---|---|
| One | Does every sentence support the one point? | Cut it, or rewrite it so it does. |
| One | Is the order the one the reader needs? | Reorder: time order, or most important first. |
| One | Does each sentence connect to the last? | Add a transition, repeat a key word, or use a pronoun that points back clearly. |
| Two | Do the sentences vary in length and opening? | Combine two short ones, or start one with a time, a place, or a word like when or because. |
| Two | Is every word the exact one? | Replace very plus a weak word, and vague words like thing, stuff and good. |
| Two | Does the tone fit the reader, all the way through? | Reread it as that reader would. |
| Last | Spelling, punctuation, grammar? | Proofread, ideally aloud. |
Read it aloud. Your ear catches what your eye skips: three sentences that start the same way, a sentence you run out of breath in, a word that sounds wrong for the reader.
What costs marks
The idea: Most are the two rounds done in the wrong order, or only one of them done at all.
- Proofreading and calling it revising.
- Polishing sentences before checking that they belong.
- Transitions stuck on the front — firstly, secondly — instead of real links.
- Making every sentence long to add variety.
- Thesaurus words that do not fit the tone or the reader.
- Revising away your own voice, so a story ends up sounding like a report.