Writing and revising

English Language Arts 8 · maddyhelps.com

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Circle the best answer for each question. Use the space to note the evidence or reasoning that decided it.

In a story told by Lena, her little brother Sam spills paint on her science-fair volcano the night before it is due. A student is retelling the event in the first person, as Sam. Which sentence fits the new narrator?
1. a) I only wanted to see how the volcano worked up close.
2. b) Sam knew nothing about volcanoes, but Lena knew everything.
3. c) Lena had worked on her volcano for three whole weeks.
4. d) I could not believe my little brother had ruined my project.
Read: “We got to the lake at noon. We set up the tent. We went swimming. We cooked hot dogs. We watched the stars.” Which revision adds the most sentence variety while keeping every event?
1. a) At the lake, we set up the tent. We went for a swim. We cooked hot dogs over the fire.
2. b) We got to the lake at noon, and then we set up the tent, and we went swimming, and we cooked hot dogs, and we watched the stars.
3. c) We got to the lake at noon. After setting up the tent, we went swimming, and later we cooked hot dogs and watched the stars.
4. d) We arrived at the lake at noon. We put up our tent. We went for a swim. We cooked hot dogs. We watched the stars.
Put these sentences in the most coherent order: (1) By the third week, it was taking sunflower seeds from her hand. (2) At first, the chickadee flew off whenever Elena stepped outside. (3) So every morning, she sat perfectly still beside the feeder for ten minutes. (4) Taming a wild bird, Elena discovered, takes more patience than skill.
1. a) 4, 2, 3, 1
2. b) 1, 2, 3, 4
3. c) 4, 3, 2, 1
4. d) 2, 1, 3, 4
Read: “Our school's reading buddy program pairs Grade 8 students with Grade 2 students. Every Thursday, each pair reads together for half an hour. The Grade 2 teachers say their students now ask to visit the library. Our library also got new beanbag chairs in the fall. Many of the Grade 8 buddies say the program is the best part of their week.” Which sentence breaks the unity of this paragraph?
1. a) the sentence about the best part of the week
2. b) the sentence about asking to visit the library
3. c) the sentence about reading together on Thursdays
4. d) the sentence about the new beanbag chairs
You are writing to the town council to ask for a crosswalk near your school. Which sentence has the most appropriate tone?
1. a) A crosswalk on 12th Street would make the walk to school much safer.
2. b) If someone gets hurt on 12th Street, it will be all your fault.
3. c) It's honestly crazy that there's still no crosswalk on 12th Street.
4. d) You need to build a crosswalk on 12th Street right now, no excuses.
A student retells a story in the first person from the point of view of the family dog. Which sentence breaks that point of view?
1. a) Maya dropped her backpack by the door and did not throw my ball.
2. b) I knew Maya was thinking about her old friends back in Halifax.
3. c) When her mom called her for supper, Maya did not even look up.
4. d) I smelled salt on Maya's cheeks, so I pushed my nose under her hand.
Original, told by Jae: “Mr. Price gave me a detention for being late, even though the bus broke down. It was so unfair.” A student retells it from Mr. Price's point of view. Which sentence best shows his perspective?
1. a) The bus broke down on the highway, so Jae was not to blame for being late.
2. b) Jae walked in twenty minutes late, and nobody had told me about the bus.
3. c) It was so unfair that Mr. Price gave me a detention when the bus broke down.
4. d) Mr. Price was a strict teacher who never listened to anyone's excuses.
Which revision is the most concise without losing any information? “In my personal opinion, I think that the new library, which opened in March, is a really very good place for students to go to study after school.”
1. a) I think the new library, which opened in March, is a great place for students to study after school.
2. b) I personally think that the new library, which opened in March, is a really very good place for students to study after school.
3. c) In my opinion, I think the new library, which opened in March, is a really good place for students to study after school.
4. d) The new library is a great place to study.
Which revision of “The dog went across the yard” uses the most precise verb?
1. a) The dog was going across the yard.
2. b) The dog went very quickly across the yard.
3. c) The dog moved across the yard.
4. d) The dog bolted across the yard.
When you retell a story from a different character's point of view, what should stay the same?
1. a) what the narrator knows and does not know
2. b) the events that happen
3. c) which details the narrator notices
4. d) the narrator's feelings about the events

Answer key · Writing and revising

English Language Arts 8 · maddyhelps.com

a) I only wanted to see how the volcano worked up close. — In Sam's retelling the “I” is Sam, so it gives his side, like why he got so close to the project. The line about “my little brother” is still Lena talking; changing the point of view means changing who the “I” is, not keeping the old narrator's feelings.
c) We got to the lake at noon. After setting up the tent, we went swimming, and later we cooked hot dogs and watched the stars. — The revision mixes a short sentence with a longer one and starts a sentence with “After,” so the rhythm changes while every event stays. Joining everything with “and” swaps five short, flat sentences for one long, flat one, and changing the words without changing the sentences adds no variety at all.
a) 4, 2, 3, 1 — The topic sentence (4) comes first, then the events in time order: “At first,” then “So every morning,” then “By the third week.” Putting sentence 3 before sentence 2 breaks the chain, because “So” only makes sense once the reader knows the bird kept flying away.
d) the sentence about the new beanbag chairs — Every other sentence is about the reading buddy program: how it works and what it has done. The beanbag chairs are in the library, which makes them seem related, but they have nothing to do with the program; sharing a word is not the same as sharing the idea.
a) A crosswalk on 12th Street would make the walk to school much safer. — A letter to people in charge should be polite and give a reason they can act on. “Honestly crazy” is too casual for the reader, and ordering or blaming the council makes its members defensive instead of willing to help.
b) I knew Maya was thinking about her old friends back in Halifax. — A dog narrator can report what it sees, hears and smells, but it cannot know what Maya is thinking. The salt on her cheeks is the clever sentence: it shows she has been crying using only what a dog could notice, so it keeps the point of view.
b) Jae walked in twenty minutes late, and nobody had told me about the bus. — Mr. Price's version has to show what he knew and felt, and he may not have known about the bus, which explains the detention. The other sentences still side with Jae or judge Mr. Price from outside, so the point of view has not really changed.
a) I think the new library, which opened in March, is a great place for students to study after school. — “In my personal opinion, I think” says the same thing three times, and “really very good” doubles up, so cutting them loses nothing. The shortest version is the trap: it drops when the library opened, who it is for and when to go, so it is shorter but no longer complete.
d) The dog bolted across the yard. — “Bolted” shows speed, and even a hint of fear, in a single word. Adding “very quickly” to a vague verb gives the reader more words but a weaker picture than one precise verb.
b) the events that happen — The events stay fixed; what changes is who tells them, so what the narrator notices, knows and feels all shift. Keeping the old narrator's feelings is the most common mistake in a retelling, since the new narrator may see the same moment very differently.